There have been some rough moments in the past couple of months, but there is still so much for which I am thankful.
I hope this post finds you with something to be thankful for, no matter what might be going on in life.
Happy Thanksgiving, to anyone reading this.
We just finished a Bible study series at church last night called, Insanely Busy, and the message last night was about slowing down. This is something I have been thinking about a lot recently, and my last post was even called, Slow Down.
I think that slowing down has a lot to do with being present in the moment. When you are going too fast, you miss out on so much.
I have read that one way to be more present in your work is to turn off many of the things that can distract us. Some people check their email only once a day or turn off notifications on their phones.
I find myself working more and more to turn off meaningless metrics. Metrics can be great when they are necessary, but when they are unnecessary, I think they do more harm than good.
Metrics can take us out of the moment. I used to wear a Fitbit. If I was walking, I would sometimes (ok, often) not be paying attention to my surroundings, but whether or not the Fitbit was correctly registering my steps. I was no longer present in the moment, but worried about some meaningless metric with some arbitrary goal.
As I spent time thinking more about being present in the moment and slowing down, I looked for specific things that pulled me out of the moment.
One thing I found was a little metric in the bottom corner of my Kindle app.
“8 minutes left in chapter.”
Awhile back, I moved the view to page number. So I would see, Page 60 of 428. I was constantly being reminded in the corner of how much I had read or how much I had left, either time or pages.
That is great information to have if you are a high school or college student working on an assignment, or if you are working on some sort of deadline.
But what about the 33-year-old father of two with a full-time job who is reading for leisure and to hopefully learn a thing or two to apply to my life?
Those metrics pulled me out of the book. Instead of just being absorbed in what I was reading, I would see, “8 minutes left,” and think, “Hmmm…maybe I can do it in 6! That’ll show ‘em!”
Show whom???
There is no competition.
There is no prize.
There is no test at the end.
So why worry about my progress in a book? Why not just let the author take me where they will? If the book sucks, I can just quit reading. But if it is interesting, entertaining, or I am learning something, why rush it?
It was just in the past few years that I have really started to enjoy reading. To be more accurate, I should probably say that I enjoy starting to read. I can look through my Kindle app and see various books at:
31%
14%
100%
28%
12%
12%
And I can look at my shelf and see many physical books with bookmarks sticking up at many different places. Some of those books I started reading years ago.
I made a comment at the Bible study a few weeks ago about how I often start books and am at various points throughout.
There are times that I think this is worthwhile. For example, I am working my way through Seneca’s Letters from a Stoic (31%). I try to read just one letter each day. Each one is so thought-provoking and full of wisdom and ideas that I want to make sure I take the time to digest it and not speed through it and miss more than I already am.
Another example is Ordinary Men (28%), the story of a reserve police battalion from Germany in World War II, and their part in the Holocaust. Needless to say, this is one of the most difficult and depressing things I have ever read, and I feel that I need to break it up to not get too depressed myself, or desensitized to the horrific nature of the book.
In the second letter of Letters from a Stoic, Seneca wrote:
A multitude of books only gets in one’s way…And if you say, ‘But I feel like opening different books at different times’, my answer will be this: tasting one dish after another is the sign of a fussy stomach, and where the foods are dissimilar and diverse in range they lead to contamination of the system, not nutrition. So always read well-tried authors, and if at any moment you find yourself wanting a change from a particular author, go back to ones you have read before.
Constantly jumping from one book to the next has prevented me from getting the most out of any of them. I do think there are worthwhile times to be at various points in multiple books, as noted above, though not spread so thinly that the message of any of them is lost in the shuffle.
I don’t think Seneca was telling Lucilius to never read anything new or to never read different things, but that a mere taste of a dish will never nourish nor satisfy in the way that a real meal can.
I am trying to apply this myself. I picked a book that I was about 40% of the way through (Adam Carolla’s Not Taco Bell Material) and decided that I was finally going to finish it. I decided to just be drawn into the stories and follow wherever it went, not worrying about when it would be over, when I could move onto the next book, but just enjoying the journey.
After I finished that, I began reading Sapiens, and I am again just following where the author is leading. I will finish it when I do, but I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone. It doesn’t matter if I have 4 minutes left in a chapter or 4 hours. I am just along for the ride, slowing down to enjoy the scenery.
Ironically, I am probably getting through more and faster by doing this.
One of the worst things we can do with something we enjoy is turn it into something that causes us stress. When I think back, looking at all of those metrics, and jumping from one book to the next to the next to the next prevented me from really being present in any of them. If I only had a few minutes to read, I could see “14 minutes remaining in chapter,” and choose to not read because I couldn’t finish it. And then it was always in my head that if I didn’t have 14 minutes, it wouldn’t be worth my time to even start.
There are always natural stopping points, and if I am not getting pulled to 15 different books, it is very easy to pick up wherever I left off.
So, when they don’t matter, let go of the metrics.
Slow down. Enjoy the ride.
One of my favorite shows is Parks and Recreation. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen the entire series exactly, but it’s probably an embarrassing number.
In one of the final episodes, Ron Swanson is making chairs for the opening of Tom’s restaurant, when he picks up a nearly finished chair and smashes it into the ground.
Tom: “What was wrong with that one?!?”
Ron: “It was too perfect. It looked machine-made.”
I am no Ron Swanson in the woodworking department. But I can appreciate the desire to hand-make something, rather than using power tools.
I am long-overdue on building a baby gate for the top of our stairs. I finally started working on it this week, even though I’ve had the lumber in my garage for months. I cut the pieces on my miter saw, and could have just butted the joints and screwed or nailed them together.
I had initially planned on routing out a groove in the middle of the top and bottom rails to hold the spindles, and then screw them in place. After working on a test piece, I didn’t like the way it looked, and opted to hand-cut mortise and tenon joints.
I had never hand-cut those joints before.
It only makes sense that when I am long-overdue on a project, that I do a manual process that I’ve never done before, which will take me even longer to complete. That makes sense, right?
Hell, I hadn’t even sharpened my chisels prior to this, so that added an extra step to work on.
Thankfully, Abbie is very understanding…and patient
I have 16 joints to complete, and I have 8 that are mostly done.
As I was cutting the tenons yesterday, some people were over and reminded me, “You know, you could use a bandsaw or router, set up a jig, and get all of these done really fast.”
I am aware.
But I really like using hand tools, even though they are slower, and since I’ve done only 8, they’re also not that good. But across those 8, I have gotten faster and better.
Even in a project that I need to complete, and soon, it’s not just about getting it done as fast as possible for me. I can already see errors and “problems” with the pieces. And that’s ok. I’ll never get better at these techniques if I don’t actually work on them.
It’s not about pumping out as much product as I can in this instance. It’s about building something the way I want to build it. Implementing new techniques I’ve never tried, that I think will look nicer than just butt joints and screws.
We live in an increasingly digital world. Digital cameras allow us to take thousands of pictures and process them with such ease. Yet I am sure there are some out there who prefer to sometimes use film and process in a darkroom. I have no desire for that, but I can appreciate the sentiment.
Sometimes it is nice to just slow down a little and get lost in a manual process.
Not to mention, it’s nice to be doing some woodworking and not require ear protection.
I could make relatively perfect cuts by setting up a simple jig and using my router. I could get the tenons cut to a nearly perfect 90-degree angle and they would all look the same.
But what fun is that? There is something appealing about the slight imperfections in my cuts. They are a reminder of how far I still have to go - how much I still have to learn. But they are also a constant reminder of how far I have come - how much I have improved.
So, slow down every once in a while. Put down the e-book and pick up a physical book. Put down the the power tool and pick up a chisel (and be careful). Allow yourself to get lost in the work.
In fairness, I have always been a cat person. We have two. Though we also have a dog.
The dog will sometimes look at me like she’s trying to make me happy. But not the cats. The cats have a way of keeping you in check, putting you back in your place.
Even as I write this, I have Carter on my lap, laying across my left arm, as though he is telling me, “You are able to write this because I am allowing it.”
“Oh, you had a rough day at the office? Doesn’t matter - where’s my food?”
“Oh, you got a nice raise? When are you gonna clean out my s**tbox?”
The cats don’t care how much I make or how my day was. As long as they get fed, and I get on my hands and knees to clean out that litter box.
The dog will sometimes want to play, and she’ll bring the ball directly to me, even if she’s playing with other people. The cat will stand in my face until I acknowledge him, and then he’ll walk away. “Dance, monkey, dance!”
I remember an episode of CSI, where somebody was eaten by their cats. When the cats show any kind of affection, I can’t help but wonder, “Are they just testing to see if I’m going to be brunch sometime soon???”
We can be gone for a weekend and the dog goes crazy when we get home. The cats: “Oh, you were gone? I coughed up a hairball, so get cleaning. And why haven’t you cleaned out my s**tbox??? We’ve talked about this!”
They keep you grounded. They won’t allow you to get a big head.
And if you ever do start to feel too good about yourself, they’ll stare you down as they cough up a hairball with a look of, “Well, we both know I’m not going to clean this up…and we both know I could have made it to the kitchen tile and didn’t have to stop on the carpet, but chose to.”
That is why I think everyone should have a cat. They will always remind you of who truly runs your house
I was thinking today about practice, and how important it is, but how easily (and often) overlooked.
I was thinking in particular about woodworking, specifically hand-cut dovetails. I have so many projects that I want to build, and just screwing two boards together is so easy that it is hard to mentally justify taking the time to learn how to hand-cut a joint like a dovetail.
I have wanted to learn how to make hand-cut dovetails for a long time. I even bought a dovetail saw a couple years ago so I would have it ready whenever I had the time or desire to go give it a try.
I have watched videos, I've read articles, and I'd like to think that I have a decent understanding of how to make a dovetail joint.
But I've never done it.
All the theory in the world means nothing if you can't execute.
And the only way to execute is practice.
Practice may seem boring. It may seem like a waste of time, especially when there are so many other projects to do. But it comes down to what you want to do and why.
I have spent a lot of time making various projects, figuring out and learning as I go. I have not spent much time working on specific skills without a specific project in mind.
I don't remember on which podcast I heard it, but I heard a story about a pottery teacher who split the class in two - one group was supposed to spend the entire term designing and making the best possible pot for a competition at the end. The other group was graded on how many pots they completed, and could also submit one for the competition at the end. The story goes that the best pots were from the group who made the most pots.
It was essentially practice. Make something, learn from mistakes, make it again, learn more, make it again...
If I don't want to learn how to make a hand-cut dovetail - or any other joint - as a project calls for it, I need to practice them. And then practice some more. And then a little bit more.
It may be difficult to go in the garage and start making joints that will just end up in the burn pile, but I can't help but think how worthwhile it would be.
Sometimes, maybe, doing the work isn't just creating or even working on a final product, but instead can be developing and honing new skills which can be applied later.
Kids remember a lot.
I may not have a lot of specific memories from when I was a young kid, but there are little things here and there that stick out.
One of those things was riding in the trailer behind my grandpa's riding lawn mower. We probably did it just a few times, maybe even only once, but that's something that sticks out as a nice memory from when I was younger.
I don't remember what I was feeling in the moment, but it was probably just a lot of fun.
It doesn't have to be difficult to give your kids nice memories like that - or even just a nice time, regardless of whether they remember or not.
Like any homeowner, I have to mow the lawn. Luckily for my daughter, I have a riding mower, and she often likes to ride along. Most of the time, except for certain areas with tree roots or other hazards to the mower, I'll even let her steer.
It costs nothing.
And she loves it.
Sure, her path around the yard looks like the scribblings of a crazy person, and we occasionally miss some spots, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that she loves it. I am hopefully creating some nice memories with her. Memories of time that she was able to spend with her Daddy.
I have been working recently, not always successfully, on focusing on being in the moment with my kids. Putting the phone or computer down and just being present with them. I'll admit, it's not always easy when we're watching Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse for the 97th time. But it takes virtually no effort to give her something truly meaningful - time and attention.
It isn't always easy to put down the phone to focus on a kids' show, or to accept the "help" of a 4-year-old in yardwork, which often feels like it exponentially increases the amount of time.
Just remember, the yardwork will still be there tomorrow. You can take a break from the yardwork and pass a volleyball around. Your kids will care far more about that than how your lawn looks, anyway.
It's not always easy to accept that something may not get accomplished, or may take longer than anticipated, but it definitely does not need to be difficult to create meaningful memories with your kids.
How much more damage anger and grief do than the things that cause them
Meditations 11.18.viii
What do you do on the days you are just not feeling it? The days that Resistance wins? It’s going to happen from time to time.
Yesterday, I opened the computer and had nothing. I had a few minutes and couldn’t think of anything. I did a quick glance through a few books for some highlighted quotes, trying to find something, anything to post.
I had to stop and think for a moment – “Why am I doing this? Why am I writing anything?”
Why did I want to post yesterday?
I wanted to post because I should post something every day. But why? Because Seth Godin does? But yesterday, I had nothing to say. Or, I had not allowed myself time to let it come to the surface. I allowed myself a few moments, and that was it. How can I expect to have something to say if I don’t take the time?
So, I made a deliberate decision – close the website and just don’t post anything, for that day.
I had been writing a bit throughout the day in my journal, writing down some thoughts and things I have been working through, but I just didn’t give myself the time to get into the right headspace to write something that might contribute to anyone else reading this blog.
Basically, I felt that it would be better to post nothing for a day than to make a shitty post just for the sake of posting something. Some days I have simply posted quotes that I like. And some days that’s what I feel is the message I want to contribute that day. Yesterday, for whatever reason, that felt like a cop-out, so I chose to not post anything.
I think the key is why we are doing something. My hope is that my writing will connect with somebody out there, or even better, connect with a lot of people. But that means that I have a responsibility to you to put in my best effort. If, for whatever reason, I am unable to do that for a day, I would rather post nothing than post something when my heart and mind weren’t completely in it.
There is nothing stopping me from getting back at it today.
I'd like to take a moment to thank you if you are taking the time to read anything that I have written. If it does connect with you in some way, please share it with a friend, leave a comment, or send me an email. I'd love to hear from you
The things you think about determine the quality of your mind
Meditations 5.16
When you have a quiet moment, what are the things you think about?
I start reading a lot of books. I don't finish nearly as many.
Yesterday, for some reason, I felt inclined to pull my old copy of Lord of the Rings off of the shelf and start reading. I have no idea how long it will take me to get through it again - probably about as long as the first time through...a couple weeks for Fellowship of the Ring, and then the duration of college for Two Towers and Return of the King.
While I was reading the note on the text and the forward to the second edition, I found an interesting note.
After his success writing The Hobbit, many readers were asking Tolkein to write a sequel. He was more interested in refining the underlying mythology and the legends which were referenced in The Hobbit. He was writing for himself. He was delving into linguistics and background history for Middle Earth. About this approach, he wrote:
I desired to do this for my own satisfaction, and I had little hope that other people would be interested in this work.
He was working for his own satisfaction, regardless of what other people wanted
But he still cared about the opinions of others:
When those whose advice and opinion I sought corrected little hope to no hope, I went back to the sequel, encouraged by requests from readers for more information concerning hobbits and their adventures.
People create for many reasons. We create for our own satisfaction, no matter what anyone else thinks. But at the same time, I can't help but think that any creative endeavor is meant to be shared. But what if nobody is interested? Do you continue? Do you adapt?
I have recently been reading multiple books and blogs, listening to podcasts about the creative process and what drives people to create. Reading the Foreward to the Second Edition yesterday resonated with me for some reason, and I wanted to share it.
It's been a week since I posted anything.
I've had a trip to the ER, had violent coughing fits (which potentially led to the ER visit), Abbie traveled to Seattle for work.
But I haven't written anything.
I've continued writing in my journal most days, but I haven't posted anything.
And then I stumbled across this from The War of Art:
The acquisition of a condition lends significance to one's existence. An illness, a cross to bear. Some people go from condition to condition; they cure one, and another pops up to take its place. The condition becomes a work of art in itself, a shadow version of the real creative act the victim is avoiding by expending so much care cultivating his condition.
I don't think that's what I'm doing, is it?
Then again, I've had strep throat twice this year. I've had a lingering cough since the last time I had it a couple months back, which turned into bronchitis and a sinus infection, which turned into this remaining lingering cough that is sometimes so violent that it may have thrown off my heartbeat, hence the ER visit last Sunday. One thing has turned into another, and turned into another, and turned into another...
I try not to make a big thing out of it when I'm sick. At least I think so. I try to not be a burden on those around me. I don't want to be that stereotypical guy who can't handle a cold.
I don't feel like I put energy into creating and cultivating these conditions, but I do know that they sap my energy for just about anything else.
While last Sunday, or Monday, or any day since I last posted would have been preferable to a week with no posts, I guess today is the next best day to get back on track.
So, I'm back. See you tomorrow.
I recently read a blog post about the difference between choices and decisions, and how we often conflate the two. I thought it was from Seth Godin’s blog, but now I can’t find it, so I guess I have no idea where I heard or read this idea.
This is another example of analysis paralysis. The distinction I am making here is that “choices” are things that don’t really matter. Paint color. TV brand. Vehicle. Yes, there are virtually infinite options for any of these, but do any of them matter? “Decisions” are more life-impacting things. Do you move? Do you change your job? Do you change course?
We spend far too much time focusing on the choices that we have, that we ignore, or put off, the more difficult decisions facing us.
Going back to Meditations, Marcus Aurelius wrote:
The value of attentiveness varies in proportion to its object. You’re better off not giving the small things more time than they deserve
Meditations 4.32
You can never avoid making choices. But what you can do is keep those choices in perspective and only give them as much time as they deserve. Nothing more.
Avoid analysis paralysis on unimportant things. Save your energy for the real decisions you face
Is there a benefit to limitations? What if they are artificial?
I am thinking specifically about photography in this instance.
A little over a month ago, I posted 4 pictures of our daughters. The day we did those pictures, I took 660. Six hundred and sixty pictures.
There are almost no limitations, practically speaking. I can just keep clicking and hope to accidentally stumble into something good.
Getting a four-year-old and an infant to do what you want for a picture is difficult. But I began thinking about landscape photography, and how limitations, even if artificial, could lead to better photographs. If I can take hundreds of photos, I can keep messing with settings until I like what I see.
But does that make for good photography?
Or is it just throwing enough against the wall that something has to stick by sheer luck?
I want to try limiting myself, to force myself to know my camera better, to work on composition and settings before just clicking away.
It's definitely arbitrary, but I think something like a limit of 25 pictures for a session. No deleting. No "just checking the lighting" shots. 25 pictures to figure it out.
I'd imagine the first few sessions like that might have poor results, but the hope is that it will force me to improve. I think I'll give it a try
What is the ratio of people who say they want a better life to those who are willing to put in the necessary work?
I would guess it is pretty high.
I know I am guilty of it from time to time. I know exactly what I need to do to get in better shape, but too often I ignore those things. That is a choice that I make.
How many people do you know who truly want to improve their lot in life, but aren't? I'm not talking about people who say they want to improve their lot in life, but people who truly want to.
I would guess that ratio is much, much lower.
As I sit here holding my sick baby in my own sick arms, pulling out the computer for a longer post about what I like about analog and digital media consumption just feels like it can wait for a later time.
Easy enough to make this post on my phone, but I'll prioritize my kids every time. No thought is so important to ignore the truly important things in life
It is easier now than any time in the past to get your ideas out into the world.
I have this website on which I have posted portraits and a photo booth event that we did for a graduation party. I have also used this website to work on putting my thoughts into words in the form of this blog.
But, the thing is, I know I am not a very good writer. I know that I have a long way to go.
But it would be easy to settle. It would be easy to think that I can just keep putting stuff out in the ether and that over time it will magically get better. But I don't think that's how it works.
It is very easy to settle for "good enough."
I can take a good enough picture with my phone, so why bother using my Nikon and nice lens(es)? Why bother with Photoshop when I can just put an easy filter on it and do a good enough job?
The technical aspects of so much content creation is very simple. Click to add a post, point, shoot, add filter, post.
But what about the quality of the work?
I finally finished watching the documentary Sound City, in which Dave Grohl bought the old Sound City Studio board, brought together a bunch of musicians who had previously recorded there, and created a new album on it. In a portion of his interview, Trent Reznor said:
Now that everyone is empowered with these tools to create stuff, has there been a lot more great shit coming out? Not really. You still have to have something to do with those tools. You should really try to have something to say.
The tools make the creation so easy. But you still need to have a message, something to say.
Hundreds of hours of content are uploaded to YouTube every minute. Is all of this content good?
Hell, even this blog. It's easy to upload. I open the webiste. I type. I hit "Save & Publish." But do I have anything to say?
In last week's episode of Akimbo - Distribution and Cultural Destiny, Seth Godin spoke about this:
But if your potrtfolio doesn't speak for who you are, you are doing yourself a disservice, because now, more than ever, each of us can do our best work, on our own, and expose it to the world
It is easier now than ever before to express our ideas to the world. But are those ideas a manifestation of our best work? Or are we settling for good enough?
“Why quibble that this taste of perfection comes only once in a hundred shots, or once in a thousand? We taste the nectar once and must ever after continue to seek it."
The Legend of Bagger Vance
Once you taste perfection, you cannot help but seek it again. It doesn't matter how difficult, how unlikely, we must continue seeking it again.
Whether the artist's life and journey, as described by Stephen Pressfield, or simply attaining the life we desire, Pressfield says (again) in The War of Art:
In the end the question can only be answered by action.
Do it or don't do it.
Are you a writer? Then write...or don't
Are you a photographer? Then photograph people or the world - whatever you want...or don't
Are you a creator? Then create...or don't
Whatever your cause, whatever your journey, whatever your purpose - it can only be answered by your actions.
Do it...or don't do it. What are the consequences if you do? What if you don't?
It is easy to get drawn down a rabbit hole of worthless content, taking one click-bait headline, being redirected to a site full of those headlines, and before you know it, you have spent hour after hour looking at celebrity twins who are actually cousins and you won't believe where this cat empire is located, or These 21 district court judges' favorite ice cream type of article.
I am NOT talking about going down that kind of rabbit hole.
I am talking about the kind of rabbit hole where you are deliberately seeking something out, even if you don't know where it will take you.
A few years ago, leading up to deer hunting opener up here in Minnesota, for whatever reason, I began thinking, "Didn't I hear that Joe Rogan started hunting awhile back?" I had been a fan of Joe Rogan from watching Newsradio growing up, and would occasionally listen to his podcast.
I found an article, Eat What You Kill: How Joe Rogan is Celebrating the Wild Meat Movement, and started reading it. In the article, it mentions how he began hunting with Steve Rinella.
Who is that?
I am started down the rabbit hole...
All of a sudden, I see that he has multiple podcast episodes with Rinella, who has his own shows and podcasts, YouTube channel, books, and more. I listen to those and hear other names, Cameron Hanes, Remi Warren, Adam Greentree.
Deeper down the rabbit hole...
I have learned a lot from listening to them. In an episode, Joe will refer back to a previous interview, so I look back, and find out he's had a particular guest on multiple times.
The hole goes deeper.
But I am deliberately seeking this out. I am deliberately opening myself to an opportunity to learn something new.
Maybe it is just in finding something that I find interesting. Maybe to you, going down a rabbit hole of people talking about hunting is as meaningless as 23 Times a celebrity wore a Hawaiian shirt...and it worked. I think it's different, though.
If I am reading an article, and there are links to other articles in it, I often find myself right-clicking to open the article in a new tab. Sometimes I'll end up with three or four new tabs, then more new tabs off of those articles. Letting one article flow into another can lead you down a path of discovery of how an authors thoughts and ideas developed.
So, next time you're just looking for something to read online, just pick something that interests you, sit back, and enjoy the ride
I can't say that it's about finding the time. It's about making the time. Making the time to sit down and do the work.
Again, Stephen Pressfield tells us in The War of Art,
Because the most important thing about art is to work. Nothing else matters except sitting down every day and trying
Each day, I am working on sitting down and writing something for this blog. I think this is my 15th consecutive day posting. For over two weeks, I have at least sat down for a little bit to do the work.
I won't say that each day is a struggle. Each day, I actually want to sit down and write. That doesn't mean that every day is easy, though. Every day, there is a little voice, the resistance, telling me that it's ok to skip writing for just today. It tells me that I don't actually have something worthwhile to say, or that whatever my thoughts are today have previously been covered.
Today, I guess that voice telling me that I had nothing to say turned into this post. Had I not sat down at the computer, it would have been right