Being a parent - it doesn’t have to be as hard as we often make it.
A few years ago, we bought Devin a fort-building set. It has balls with holes that sticks can go into and you can make a variety of shapes. To be honest, the thing is a real pain in the ass. The sticks don’t go into the balls very well, even I have trouble getting them in there - how hard must it be for a 6-year-old?
A few days ago, I was working late and she came into the office asking for help with her fort because it kept collapsing whenever she tried to put a blanket over it. She had made a square base and sides, but didn’t have any support on the top. After it collapsed for a third time, she was incredibly upset.
I was getting frustrated because it was my late day at work, and on top of that, I hate this fort-building set, because as I mentioned before, it’s a complete pain in the ass to deal with.
As a parent, I often struggle with wanting my kids to figure out how to do things for themselves, but at the same time remembering that sometimes they just need their daddy to take care of things.
This was one of those times. I can’t always build a fort when my kids want to play in one, but on the flip side I can’t always “won’t build a fort.”
I understood the importance of connecting the supports at the top, so there was at least some structure to hold the fort together with the weight of a blanket on top of it. I was able to show Devin why the fort had collapsed when she tried it. It was an instant change in her. It wasn’t exactly what she was hoping for, but it was a hell of a lot better than a collapsed pile of plastic and blankets. She was happy with the result.
And it took maybe 5 minutes. I don’t think I even missed an email in the time I was helping her.
It’s difficult to find that balance. I want my kids to try to figure things out themselves. But I also want them to come to me when they need help. Sometimes they just need encouragement to try another way. But sometimes they just need me to be their daddy and build a quick fort for them.
It doesn’t have to be so hard.
I’ve written about this before. Evidently, sometimes I need repetition to drive a point home.