In reading through a bunch of Ryan Holiday's archives, I became very interested in reading Meditations, as I am sure has become abundantly clear. It is essentially a book of proverbs, aphorisms, which are little nuggets of philosophy and truth.
It's hard to read the book and not be struck with this overwhelming feeling of, "Well...shit..." I don't mean that in a negative way at all, but in a very eye-opening kind of way.
"Oh, something horrible happened to you today?"
"Yeah! Somebody cut me off on the way to work!"
"Do you know where they were going?"
"Well...no"
"Could they have been late to work themselves? Or on their way to some important thing?"
" ... "
"Thought so. So, were you actually harmed by this?"
" ... "
"Thought so. Remember - You don't have to turn this into something. It doesn't have to upset you. Things can't shape our decisions by themselves (6.52)"
"[Well...shit...]"
Now, repeat that same type of situation and internal dialogue over about 170 pages and you see what I mean.
Really, it's quite simple - fight the urge to let meaningless things bother you. If it does bother you, it is often less of an indictment of the other person, but how you allow yourself to perceive that person or situation. It always turns back to you - how you respond, how you act - nobody else.
One of those moments happened to me today, as I was scanning through the book looking for some kind of inspiration for today's post. I had read through the book and underlined a whole bunch of passages. And then today I was hit by one that wasn't underlined, didn't have any kind of notation next to it, but it practically jumped off the page and hit me - [Well...shit...]
How cruel - to forbid people to want what they think is good for them. And yet that's just what you won't let them do when you get angry at their misbehavior. They're drawn toward what they think is good for them
- But it's not good for them.
Then show them that. Prove it to them. Instead of losing your temper
Meditations 6.27
It is easy to assume that everyone wants a good life, or at the very least a better life than they currently have. And it is equally easy to get angry when you see somebody doing things that are clearly antithetical to that unstated goal.
People often want things that are not good for them. All you have to do is look at, well, pretty much anybody, and you can see that. They want those things, even though you know that it's not good for them. But they're drawn to it, because they think it is.
Your anger at them is not only counterproductive. Marcus Aurelius says it is cruel. Think about that for a second.
Forbidding somebody of something that they think is good, even if it is not, in anger is cruel. It is your responsibility to prove to them that their perspective is wrong. Show it to them, rather than simply losing your temper.
It can be very tough to watch somebody you care about go down a wrong path. Show them that there is a better way. Prove it through how you live. But do not get angry about it; getting angry at them about it is cruel.
A harsh reminder, but a necessary one.