The irony is not lost on me that I wrote a blog post titled “Complacency,” and have not posted since. It has been a month.
Where did that time go?
How is it already February 2018?
I have had every intention to write. I have thought an awful lot about writing. But I haven't.
Have I yet again become complacent?
I found an old book I downloaded on the Kindle and while I remember having read it, I did not remember many of the details. It was, The War of Art, by Stephen Pressfield. It is a short book. I have been reading it again, a few pages each day. In it, he writes about The Resistance, and its many forms which prevent us from producing or creating - or more importantly, living the lives that we want.
He would say that Resistance is what convinced me to not post for the past month. Resistance is what has left a post about complacency and doing small things to make my life better as the last thing I have shared.
But where has the time gone?
I have a full-time job and a family with two daughters under four. Perhaps thinking that I will somehow, magically find the time to write is a form of Resistance.
Sure, I work full-time and want to be able to spend time with the family, but I take the bus to work and have this fancy new device called a smartphone. While I definitely prefer typing on a keyboard rather than a phone, I cannot find the time to write on my laptop at home, so I guess I need to make the time.
It is easy to sit on the bus and pull something up on Netflix or YouTube and completely waste the 25 minutes I have, uninterrupted by work or kids. Why not write? It ironically feels less convenient since I would prefer to write on my laptop, but I have the ability to open a document on my phone and write as much or as little as I please. It doesn't get more convenient than that.
Even now, I can feel Resistance telling me, “It's ok. You don't have to watch Netflix, but why not just press play on your podcast? You can write after the kids go to bed tonight.”
In addition to everything, I am also studying for CFA Level 2 in June. This is another situation where I will not find the time, I need to make it. I have become very efficient at my job. Rather than skimming the news during my moments of downtime, I can take that time to do some practice problems, or write.
It is easy to tell myself that I can find the time to work on my writing later in the day. It is amazing to me how easy it is to rationalize NOT doing the things that I know I want to do. I want to write. How have I convinced myself that I can just do it later, especially when I have this free time during my commute?
The battle will continue, I know, but just for today, as the bus is pulling into Downtown Minneapolis, I can't help but feel that Resistance lost this morning.